Driver's Ed. and Amusement

     I was browsing through The Archives today and found a short, lighthearted email that I sent to my brother back in the day.  Before I started a blog or even sent people Meg Updates by email, I would send Ben an email, and if he considered it humorous he would forward it to his email list.  Hence “Archives”.  One of my biggest regrets in life was not saving the emails I sent Ben when I was taking Driver’s Ed.  Those were hilarious days, let me tell you.  Ben, Ruthy, and I all had Mr. M for a drivers’ ed teacher, and I think we all amused him in our own special way.  Mr. M was the spitting image of Bruce Willis, had a very dry humor, and, I suspect, had more patience for teenagers than he pretended to (otherwise he would have quit that job long before he acctually did).    

   When I got to his class I was amused to hear him regale the class with the tale of a  particular fellow that he had in his class a few years back who blazed through a parking lot with blatant disregard for those ever-sacred yellow lines (unnocupied by cars, I should mention).  That fellow was Ben, and I didn’t hesitate to inform Mr. M that the rogue he spoke of was, infact, my older brother.  From then on he had his eye on me.  I like to think that I was a source of amusement for my teacher, though.  We shared an amused glance between us at least once a day (can you tell I like the word ‘amuse’?  That’s what I want on my tombstone, by the way:  “She was amusing”.  But I digress). 
   Mr. M took us out daily by the carload, and I shared my vehicle with three other girls, who, I shall say in the gentlest way possible, took up more than their fair share of space.  Cue the amused looks.  It took those girls an extra two minutes to assemble themselves in the backseat when it was my turn to drive.  It was during those times that Mr. M was, naturally, in the passenger seat with his foot hovering habitually over his instructor’s brake.  We would exchange our customary glance and wait with the utmost patience.  As a probably-unecessary sidenote, I avoided the rear middle seat with as much earnestness and grace as possible.  There simply wasn’t enough room, and the car was one of those ridiculous compact things anyway. 
   Anyway, I think my turn to amuse Mr. M came on the day of the midterm driving exam. He hadn’t yet arrived in the parking lot.  The other girls and I had just reached the unanimous conclusion that it was best to test second.  No one wanted to go first, there was too much pressure there.  Third was less-than-desireable, and last was just unpleasant.  Well, we all wanted to go second, and it was I who suggested we settle the matter with an arm-wrestling tournament.  We sprawled out on the pavement and faced off.   Mr. M walked out just as I brought down my final opponent’s arm with a hearty “Yes!”  The look on that man’s face was indescribable, but I like to think that he was amused as well as  bewildered.  
   Ruthy’s tale of amusement is as follows:  Mr. M drove her carload out into the country and stopped next to a cornfield and then got out so they could switch drivers.  After regarding her suroundings suspiciously for a moment, Ruthy asked Mr. M, “Is this the part where you kill us?” 
   Well, I meant to write a brief introductory to a past email that I thought was amusing, but I ended up writing something else entirely that is probably long enough.  I’ll post this for now, and get to that other email some other time.  Ta ta. 

Advice From A Wannabe Hero

     Human endurance is a funny thing.  There is no one that doesn’t get knocked down in life, and there are as many ways to get back up as there are people in the world.  The question is not “Do people deal with suffering?” but rather “How do people deal with suffering?”  The way I see it there is a scale, a spectrum, if you will, that measures how people deal with the problems life throws at them.  On one end there is the victim, and on the other end, the hero, or warrior. 

   The victim always feels sorry for himself, and never really feels the need to try to get back up after being knocked down, because whats the point?  The world is a cruel place, and the odds are so stacked against the victim that he resigns himself to crawling and complaining.  The only thing he is determined to do is to never put energy into hope, whether for himself or mankind.  Every internal effort is futile, because every external energy is working against him.  Traffic lights turn red at his approach.  Colleagues purposefully turn a deaf ear to his ideas.  His dog digs a hole in the yard to spite him.  His children are always on the lookout for opportunities to question his authority.  Everyone on earth is an idiot, and who can compete with those odds? 

   The hero, or warrior, is a practiced glass-half-full sort of fellow.  Heck, the glass is full to the brim and overflowing most days!  And why not?  The God of the universe deeply cares about and actively guides the destiny of our hero.  The hero knows he is not alone, and when life bombards him with difficulty, all the while he is gaining strength from the experience because he knows that later on down the road he will have an opportunity to help another person through a difficult time because he has had the opprotunity to struggle as well.  He knows what its like to be broken, and he sees the beauty of hope, and how far grace will go.  Our hero and warrior doesn’t just exist.  He truly lives. 

   Which brings us to that guy in the middle.  You know, that guy who goes through life, and things are sort of fine, I mean, they could be worse.  Middle guy plays it safe, though.  Its not good to risk anything in life.  Not in relationships, or at work, or in planning the future.  This guy goes with the flow, and doesn’t really get upset by things, but he doesn’t really get excited, either.  Its best just to meander carefully, because running or stopping might mean falling or lying down, and its too hard to get back up from that, so the middle guy meanders, not bothering anyone.  Not rocking the boat.  Not doing much of anything, really. 

   So where are you on the spectrum?  I have to say I’ve been all over it.  And as much as I’d like to retain hero status, I sometimes view myself as a victim.  I’ve compiled a list of things that help me stay heroic, and you might find it helpful, so here ya go:

  BE HEALTHY.  I’ve been on a health kick recently, and two things caused that.  The first was when my boyfriend picked me up.  As in, lifted me off the floor and carried me around in his arms.  I got such a kick out of that.  The fact that I am pickupable just tickles me to death.  It occurred to me that I would like to stay pickupable, so I cut way back on snackfoods.  I let myself acctually get hungry between meals, and I bought salads and cucumbers instead of cheezits and cookies.  Oh, and I’ve been all about green tea lately, its awesome stuff.  Not tasty, but cleansing and energizing.  Drink it.  Anyway, yes, the second thing that caused my health kick was an article I read.  I don’t remember the exact information, but the gyst was that cancer thrives in unhealthy bodies.  Apparently everyone gets cancer cells, or is prone to cancer, or something like that, but cancer just loves a greasy lazy body.  I suddenly wanted very much to be healthy.  When you eat good foods, you feel ready to tackle the day.  Heros tackle their days.  It’s a thing of beauty.  

   WORK OUT.  I’ve never really worked out.  I’ve had jobs that kept me active (horses, anyone?), but I had never had an intense workout plan until recently.  A friend let me copy her Jillian Michaels workout videos (Thirty Day Shred, and something else, I forget) and I feel amazing, after only having done it for a couple of days.  To put yourself in a position where your body and brain are at war with each other is interesting and beneficial.  Your brain knows that you will look and feel great after the workout, and your body doesn’t believe in itself and wants very much to stop.  So you get conversations like this going on:    (Body) “I can’t finish!  I need to stop!  Let me be done!”   (Brain) “Keep going, you can do this, push yourself!”  (Body) “IT BURNS!”    (Brain) “Almost done!  Hang in there!  Finish strong!”   (Body) “AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!  YES!  I DID IT!”   (Brain) “Good Job!”  The best part is, you walk around afterward in your muscular capable awesomeness thinking, “Bring it on, world!  I can take whatever you throw at me!”  Sounds like a hero to me. 

   DO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU.  I’m not saying you should go skydiving at the first available opportunity (I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t).  But don’t let life intimidate you, and don’t base your decisions on the avoidance of that awful gut-wrenching “what if I can’t do this?” feeling.  What if you can?  Continue riding that spastic beast that bucked you off and broke your body.  Prepare for, and rock that speech!  Dare to offer a comforting touch to that person who is crying their eyes out in your presence.  Tell someone that THEY’RE stepping on YOUR toes!  Stand in your own space and know you are there. 

   SPEND TIME WITH GOD.  (last, and infinitely  most important) Honestly, I don’t know how atheists cope with life.  How are they not dashing about in a constant frenzied panic?  I find that when I’ve been reading by Bible regularly and spending time in prayer and listening carefully for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and complimenting God on his mad skills with a paintbrush when I stop to admire a sunrise (why do I grumble about my job getting me out of bed so early?), then I am more relaxed and confident about life, because I am reminded of who God is.  He’s not who society tells me He is after I’ve been watching a bunch of cable tv and wasting time on youtube (who wants to spend time with that guy?).  He’s the God I come to trust after reading His Word and listening to His voice, and remembering that He wants whats best for me, even if His will for my life seems unfair or difficult at the time. 

   So there you have it my friends, the hero formula in four easy steps.  Wow, that sounds terrible.  I think I just wrote a mini-self help book.  NOT what I set out to do.  Its just that I’ve been feeling so great lately I wanted to share it with ya’ll.  It seems to be a pretty great way to get through the days.  Some days I feel great for absolutely no reason because life’s been rough and I haven’t been taking care of myself, and that’s when I know someone’s praying for me.  That’s pretty cool, and always appreciated.  Well, I’m not really sure how to wrap this up, so I’ll just say go be heroes! 

(see attached youtube video.  Never fails to give me goosebumps).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGcsIdGOuZY&ob=av2e