Performance Anxiety

   Performance Anxiety.  Some people don’t get it.  I despise those people.  Actually, I don’t think those people are real people.  Standing up in front of peers and making a speech invokes a primal fear that is very natural and understandable.  Having to complete a task with eyes watching as opposed to completing the exact same task unwatched is much more difficult and really, nearly impossible when you get right down to it. 

      Now mind you, I have had a few mild successes with public performance, but even so, the few times in my life where I have found myself with a microphone in my hand could be considered comparable with other scary, though seemingly less dangerous situations.  An impending snakebite, a fall off a cliff, being held at gunpoint, being chased by a ravenous tiger…that sort of thing.  The brain goes through the same thought process: “Ohhhh not good not good not good get away get away get away get away…” 

   Because putting yourself in a position where others can scrutinize you is really a very dangerous situation.  Why, you may ask.  The odds of anyone physically harming you for getting up and speaking are infinitesimal.  But no, physical harm isn’t the concern here.  Public speaking is dangerous…because people think thoughts.  And the thought that people are thinking thoughts is disconcerting.  The thought-thinkers are thinking unthinkable thoughts (Dr. Seuss, anyone?).  That makes little to no sense, you say.  Ah, but it does, I say.  It’s the same principle used by the people in the scary movie business.  Everyone knows that in a scary movie, the fear is in the unknown, thus the buildup of suspense.  The truth is people’s imaginations create monsters far worse that special effects guys do.  One does not simply expose his movie monster in the light of day with cheery background music and a smile on his face.  One allows him to creep in the shadows and fog, leaving viewers wondering what is it?  What is it capable of? 

   One regards the thoughts of audience members in much the same way.  The speaker observes the raised eyebrow of an audience member in response to what was just said, and he wonders Aha! A thought!  But what thought?  And what will he do with it?  The suspense is almost too much to handle. 

   Such thoughts might include:

“She should have looked in a mirror before walking onstage.  Her bangs are sticking up all over the place.”

“I can’t believe that’s actually his take on the matter.  Was he born in a monastery under a rock on the dark side of the moon?” 

“I wonder if everyone else in this room is as bored as I am.  I should walk over and pull the fire alarm.” 

   You see?  Scary, dangerous thoughts.  So what is one to do when one must bask unwillingly in the light of the proverbial lime?  Unfortunately, the thought thinkers will think thoughts, and there’s nothing you or I can do about it.  I find a lot of prayer helps to psych me up.  That, and Metallica.